TRACK_FIELD_DIVISION.EXE
IAB ATHLT&FPHONE-FREE DIVISION

MEET STATUS: OPEN TO EVERYONE

DEPARTMENT OF ATHLETIC IDLENESS

Track &
Field

Phone-Free Division

Walking. Running. Occasionally standing.

VIEW OFFICIAL EVENTS
VARSITY TEAM: THE FIGHTING SLOTHSSTARTING GUN: NOT REQUIRED

Official programme office · Department of Athletic Idleness

DIVISION_BRIEF.TXT

PHONE-FREE DIVISION

Four events. No tryouts.

The course is wherever you happen to be.
The season begins when you stand up.

IAB Track & Field recognizes endurance, elevation, directionlessness and the identification of superior sticks. Select an event, read its official brief, and complete it at your own pace. Adapted participation receives full institutional recognition.

ENTRY FEE: $0.00UNIFORM: WHATEVER YOU ALREADY HAVE ON
OFFICIAL_EVENT_ROSTER.DAT4 EVENTS SANCTIONED

CURRENT MEET

Official Events

Choose one event. Completion is recorded on the honor system because the department misplaced its stopwatch.

EVENT 01 / PHONE-FREE ENDURANCEOPEN

100 M

The Phoneless 100-Minute Dash

Complete 100 consecutive minutes without checking your phone or notifications. The M stands for minutes.

Official brief

  1. Choose a safe 100-minute stretch of real life.
  2. Silence nonessential notifications and put the phone out of easy reach.
  3. Do anything offline until the full 100 minutes have passed.

Required equipment: one clock that is not constantly asking for your attention.

EVENT 02 / VERTICAL TRANSITIONOPEN

1↑

High Jump (Off the Couch)

Get yourself off a couch.

Official brief

  1. Place both feet on the floor, or use your normal safe method of rising.
  2. Stand up.
  3. Remain upright long enough to choose what happens next.

Bonus height: walk to another room and return with something useful.

EVENT 03 / DIRECTIONLESS DISTANCEOPEN

500

Long Walk to Nowhere

Walk 500 paces without opening Google Maps.

Official brief

  1. Start from a familiar, safe public route.
  2. Count 500 comfortable paces without selecting a destination.
  3. Stop, look around, and return by a route you know.

Navigation ruling: using a phone to get home or handle an emergency does not disqualify an athlete.

EVENT 04 / TRAIL OBSERVATIONOPEN

STK

Cool-Shaped Stick Steeplechase

Complete a trail or park route in which finding the best already-fallen stick matters.

Official brief

  1. Choose a permitted, familiar trail or park route.
  2. Proceed around ordinary obstacles without racing or taking unsafe shortcuts.
  3. Identify the finest already-fallen stick encountered and leave the course tidy.

Course protection: do not break living branches, remove protected material or leave sticks where someone could trip.

ENTRIES: UNLIMITEDOFFICIALS: HONOR SYSTEM
OFFICIAL_RECORD_BOOK.DATPHONE-FREE ENDURANCE

IAB ATHLETICS RECORD BOOK

Official Record Holders

Times shown below have been accepted by the Department of Athletic Idleness and remain in force until somebody puts their phone down for longer.

Classification Athlete Result
WORLD RECORDPhone-Free Endurance Ebenezer Avocado DropHistoric IAB athlete 4:22:00
PERSONAL BEST100 M Dash Eugene “The Thumb” HigginsSidequestronics ’26 84 MIN

ATHLETE FILE: Personal-result tracking is awaiting equipment. Official records remain unchanged.

RECORDS OFFICE: OPENVERIFICATION: HONOR SYSTEM
FIELD_OPERATIONS_MANUAL.TXT

ATHLETE SAFETY FILE

Real-world rules remain in effect.

  • Use safe public routes and respect traffic, weather, private property and personal comfort.
  • Keep access to navigation, emergency contacts and medical tools whenever you need them.
  • Adapt any event to your mobility, energy and circumstances. Adapted participation counts in full.
  • Stop any event that no longer feels safe. The standings will survive.
SAFETY RATING: SENSIBLEFULL CREDIT FOR ADAPTED PARTICIPATION
PROGRAM_DIRECTORY.LNK

MEET COMPLETE

Return to the Athletics Department

Review the remaining programmes, inspect the eligibility standards, or begin recruiting yourself immediately.

ATHLETICS PROGRAM DIRECTORY
FINAL: 0–0STANDINGS UNCHANGED